the pause - november edition.

Uncategorized Nov 11, 2025

The Micro Pause.

Before you start reading, let’s settle in by doing a 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise. Like actually do this - you’ll notice a difference, I promise.

Take a deep breath and……

5 things you can see
Look around and name five things - the texture of a rug, sunlight dancing on the wall, a crayon on the floor.
4 things you can touch
Feel your feet on the ground, your baby’s hand, the fabric of your sleeve, a warm mug.
3 things you can hear
Notice the hum of the fridge, birds outside, your own breath.
2 things you can smell
Maybe your coffee, a candle, or baby lotion - or step outside and breathe in fresh air.
1 thing you can taste
Take a sip of water, tea, or just notice the lingering taste in your mouth.

How does that feel? Nice, egh? Just a short pause. It's so easy.

And it's super easy for kids too. This is one we use many times a week - both when I see a meltdown coming on or when we are recovering from one.

I’ve created a free printable you can download to your phone - or print & post around your house like the playroom, the fridge, kids bedroom, or a calm corner.

The Reframe.

What we are Unlearning: More parenting books = better parenting.
How we are Reframing: The wisdom is already in you - you just need to create the pause to hear it.

I’ll be honest - I didn’t start out as a confident parent.

In the early years, I devoured every book & podcast I could find. I thought if I could just learn enough, I’d finally feel secure.

Instead, I felt overwhelmed with contradicting advice & anxious that I was screwing it all up because I wasn’t doing it exactly how the experts said I should.

My parenting wasn’t coming from within.
And that wasn’t serving me - or my kids.

Why We Feel So Unsure

It’s not that we’re doing it wrong.
It’s that we’ve been taught to doubt our inner knowing.

No expert knows your child, your values, your rhythms, or the micro-moments that make your family yours. Yet we hand over our confidence to strangers on the internet.

What if the first parenting tool you reached for wasn’t a book or your phone - but a pause?

Why the Pause Matters

It creates space for reflection. It allows us to unpack our assumptions about what we think is going on and drops us into a space where we can see the root cause of the current struggle.

The next time you find yourself reaching for your phone to Google parenting advice, I want you to take a break and ask yourself the following questions:

1. What problem am I actually trying to solve?

Is this about my child’s behaviour or my own discomfort?

Is this situation urgent or just uncomfortable?

Does this need to be fixed right now, or can it unfold with time & connection?

What do I already know about my child & myself and our dynamics?

How is my current emotional state impacting my child’s overall behaviour or emotional reactions? And how am I reacting to their reactions? Are we caught in a spiral that needs to be broken and reset?

What are our family values in this moment?

Do I want compliance or connection? Is my response or my demands reflective of our family values?

Am I looking for information or reassurance?

Do I need data & tools or just someone to validate this experience and my approach?

Psst - Copy & paste these questions into whatever you use for notes on your phone (for future reference).

To be super clear - I’m not saying “stop listening to the experts”. God no. I would be lost without some of them! This is a call for parents to consider themselves the expert first. To get clear with ourselves on what issues we are facing, what the root causes might be, and how our family values fit into how we want to move forward.

With this clarity - you are empowered to find the resources & support you actually need. Resources to support the root causes of the challenges you & your family are facing. Not the 'superficial' behaviours that are actually just the result of the root cause.

It's in you.

The Beaker: What's the Real Deal with Plastic?

I don't like to sugar coat things....it drives my husband nuts 🤣.

The reality is, plastic is not our friend.

And the more I read about it - the more I see we don’t truly know the extent and risk rates of harmful plastics on our bodies and the environment, including whether or not the trace amounts considered ‘safe’ by regulating government bodies actually are.

What I do know is there’s clear evidence demonstrating that microplastics are showing up in our bodies, placentas, and baby poop.

Our risk for disease is shaped by a mix of genetics and environmental exposures. And the world today looks very different than it did when we were babies. Plastics are found in so many products we bring into our home and use with our babies; food containers, bottles & sippy cups, clothing, blankets, cleaning products, carpets, and curtains - to name a few.

The primary ways plastics get into our bodies are:

Ingestion:

Plastics can leach into our food when heated in plastic storage containers
Microparticles can get into our food when we use plastic kitchen utensils that are scratched or breaking down (cutting boards, cutting utensils)
Drinking water

Inhalation:

Microfibers from household items that contain plastics
Dust from microplastics that have broken down from household items

Skin Contact:

Sweaty or wet skin is able to absorb microplastics found in the home, including those found in some cleaning products.

And the increasing prevalence of plastics in our environment can lead to a variety of health concerns including; inflammation of the lung and bowels, immunity and respiratory development issues, asthma, respiratory infections, and long term risks such as hormone disruption, brain development & neurological issues, heart disease and various cancers.

It’s not great.

So, here’s what our family does to decrease the amount of plastic we are bring into our home (and putting back into the landfill).

We Avoid:

Heating food or formula in plastic containers.
Purchasing plastic household items with #3, #6 and #7 (look for the recycling symbol on the product and the number inside - that indicates what type of plastic the product is made with).
Soft flexible plastics used in toys, vinyl bibs, foam play mats and diaper bags. If unavoidable look for PVC- Free.
Using plastic produce bags and packaged food with a lot of plastic when grocery shopping.

Things we TRY to Do Instead:

Accept we can’t avoid all plastic and choose safer plastics for toys: #2, #4, #5.
Prioritize plastic-free for any item that goes into a little’s mouth (bottles, pacifiers, teethers, sippy cups, water bottles, utensils).
For gear that is food related - opt for glass, food grade silicone or metal.
For toys, opt for natural materials like wood, silicone, stainless steel when possible.
Opt for baby blankets, carpets, playmats, mattresses & mattress protectors made from natural fibers.

Your Overall Game Plan to Keep you Sane:

Pause before plastic. Ask: ‘Is there an alternative?’
Swap strategically. Replace what your baby mouths, heats, or wears first.
Filter your air + water. Dust and tap water are major sources of microplastics.
Progress > perfection. It’s not about purity - it’s about reduction.

Look, a plastic free home is near impossible unless you are really digging deep (like soooo friggin deep). And that's okay! Our job is to reduce the toxic burden on our kiddos - and these are just some practical ways that make a big difference.

Start small. Build the plastic awareness muscle each time you make a purchasing decision and before long - it will be a natural reflex to double check and swap without giving it much thought. I promise!

If the plastic deep dive got you thinking, the No B.S. Guide to Your Non-Toxic Nursery takes it further - unpacking hidden household toxins, decoding certifications, and linking you to safer swaps for over 20 essentials. Created for nurseries, but helpful for conscious homes everywhere.

The Good News.

Part of creating a better world is seeing what needs to be fixed - but just as important is knowing there are brilliant, beautiful people building beautiful solutions.

We need hope. So here’s your good news piece of the month.

Did you know Sweden recycles or repurposes 99% of its waste - yes, almost everything.

Today, nearly half of Sweden’s household waste becomes heat and electricity through waste-to-energy plants. Even food scraps are converted into biogas that fuels buses and warms homes. Their system is so effective, they now import waste from other countries.

And if Sweden can do it - why can’t our countries? Maybe a future Uncommon Family advocacy campaign? 🤔

(You can read the full article on Earth . Org.)

Our Monthly Challenge: One Swap/One Shift.

I’m going to start you off with a simple (but important) one. Laundry detergent.

So Here’s the Scoop with Laundry Detergents:

Fragrance is a catch-all term for many different types of chemicals, most of which are not listed on the label (they often fall under the listed ingredient ‘fragrance’).

Sulphates, optical brighteners, chlorine bleach & dyes (blue detergents) can irritate the skin and contaminate our water - damaging the environment.

Optical brighteners and other contaminants like 1,4 dioxane and formaldehyde are often not listed on the label but, through long term exposure, has the potential to cause health concerns like reproductive issues and cancer.

Now, just because there are links between these chemicals and human health does not mean we are all doomed. While there is a lot of data that showing these chemicals can cause human health issues - exposure is an important factor (as well as genetics). For example, the EPA has determined that formaldehyde use in laundry and dishwashing products do not significantly contribute to the unreasonable risk of injury to human health. And while the EPA has found 100 VOC’s in laundry detergents - the effects are not yet known.

Here's the thing - we've made the switch because we want to reduce the toxin burden for our kiddos AND we are trying to protect the environment. That's all.

The Switch (Progress, Not Panic):

Go fragrance-free. Look for “Free & Clear” formulas or ones specifically labeled hypoallergenic and non-scented.
Ditch the optical brighteners. They’re just light-reflecting plastics that trick your eyes.
Skip the dryer sheets. They’re fragrance bombs full of chemicals. Use wool dryer balls or toss a washcloth with a few drops of vinegar instead.
Try a certified brand: these are EWG Certified

Attitude Baby Leaves Laundry Detergent and Softener
Aspen Laundry Detergent (Subscription Option)
Blueland Laundry Detergent (Subscription Option)
Check with your local refillery store - they often have certified and/or super clean options (bonus, you can do zero waste too!)

What We’re Listening To.

So, I got excited this month and decided I wanted to share two 🙂

Mediation - The Sacred Pause 6.56 Minutes

Because the whole point of this newsletter is to pause, I wanted to find a short meditation you can do to become more present quickly. Tara Brach is a beautiful meditation teacher, so I encourage you to follow her podcast.

Playlist - Parent Favourites: Little Kid Songs.

Because life is also about fun, singing & dancing. For those of you new to parenting - this is a fantastic playlist as it serves as an introduction to the most popular artists for kids; Carlie Hope, Raffi, Super Simple Songs, Casper Babypants…..Take note of which artists your babe is loving and follow their playlists too.

The TUF Parent Spotlight.

As our community grows, I will be featuring some of you rockstar parents in this section.

But for now, I wanted to share this heart warming story of a mom who got it right and is a pretty amazing example of Uncommon Parenting. When Christina Stabile’s son was getting bullied at school she did something extraordinarily beautiful.

As many moms do, Christina includes little heartfelt notes in her son’s lunchbox. It came to light that another boy in the class was ripping up her son’s little letters of love.

Instead of doing what most of us would do, jump into Mamma Bear mode - call the school and expect disciplinary action, she decided to write two lunch box notes of appreciation - one to her son and one to the boy picking on her son. It took a while for the impact, but it worked. This little boy who was clearly expressing an inner wound stopped picking on her son.

It’s amazing what a pause before reaction can do to completely change a situation for the better.

Check out her story yourself (bring tissues!) : https://www.instagram.com/reel/DL-TQXcMZKJ/

Thank you so much for letting me into your inbox.

I know there was A LOT of information in this newsletter & I would love any feedback on it (like the type of content, how it's delivered, frequency, etc).

I am also super excited to announce we will be launching our online community in January 2026. This space will be your one-stop-shop digital space & community for saying f*ck it to autopilot living. It will make accessing and consuming information like this more bite size and practical. And you'll be connected to other families sharing your values (hello, village!).

I'm so very grateful for parents like you choosing better. I know parenting is hard and doing it intentionally is super-duper hard. But you clearly are committed and taking steps - and that is f*cking beautiful.

'Till next time - remember to pause. Always. Be. Pausing.

With love,

Carissa

Founder, The Uncommon Family